OCD - beyond the 'cleanliness' obsession.

1.2% of the population (12 in 1000) suffer with OCD. It is regarded one of the most disabling illnesses of any kind with over 750,000 people in the UK alone suffering with it. However, many people are often quick to confuse OCD as a disorder that requires people to be obsessed with cleaning or cleanliness. Of course, this is through no fault of their own but the fault of the media and lack of actual information about the illness itself. You only have to type OCD into Google and instantly you are greeted with a clip art picture of a pair of hands having a good 'arl soak in the sink. You hear everyday people telling others that they're "so OCD about their room being clean." But OCD is called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder NOT Obsessive Cleanliness Disorder. OCD is exactly what it says on the tin. Obsessive and Compulsive. Many people fail to realise that it is so broad it is split into four different categories: 

• Checking
• Contamination / Mental Contamination
• Hoarding
• Ruminations / Intrusive Thoughts

OCD sufferers can fall into more than one of the four categories but it is NOT definite they will be obsessive over cleanliness. In fact, only a small percentage of sufferers actually suffer with obsessions with being clean. OCD goes above and beyond the misconception that sufferers need to be clean. It is much more. 

As a sufferer myself, I do like organisation. I like things to be clean BUT I am in no way obsessed with it, it is nothing out of the ordinary. Yes, I like my hotel rooms to be clean when I'm away (don't we all), and yes I do like to eat in places that have a 5 star food hygiene rating (3 stars make me queasy). But,  I don't feel the need to wash my hands every 5 minutes. I don't go to pieces if I see a fly in a place I may be eating and a stain on the carpet in a hotel won't make me lose sleep. I think that this may be due to the fact I've waitressed before, I work part time as a cleaner and I work with children a lot so I have come to accept these things for what they are. You can't 100% avoid germs or contamination. 

However, I do like structure. I am obsessed with things going the way I see them in my head. If I wake up in the morning with a routine of what I'm going to be doing that day and it doesn't go the way I planned, I can't cope. If I have planned to go somewhere to eat, I have usually planned what it is I'm going to eat there, so then if this doesn't happen my head falls off. I'm also quite obsessive over time. I can't judge it. So I leave far too early to avoid being late. If I am late, it sets me into panic mode. I also used to fall into the checking and hoarding category. I'd obsessively check the lights to make sure they were DEFINITELY off. Even though it's a light and you can CLEARLY SEE it's off. I'm not as bad anymore, but plugs that are switched on when they're not in use do make me nervous and I don't feel the need to keep my birthday cards under my bed for years to come 'just in case' I might need them. 

This is my condition sugar coated. It used to be a lot, lot worse than this and I have actually avoided doing things because of my OCD. Going on holiday is a big thing for me. Not because of cleanliness but because of the structure (or lack of). Last year I went on a girls holiday and it was probably the most stressful week of my life with regards to my OCD. I used to go home early from nights out because I would become obsessed with the thought of something bad happening while I was out. My OCD played a big part in that week (paired up with my anxiety) and I was probably an absolute nightmare to be on holiday with and I couldn't wait to get home because I was that obsessed with the thought of something going wrong while I was there. At the time though, you don't realise you're acting this way because of your OCD. You just know you need to act like that and then everything will be okay.

The whole point of this post is not to make you feel sorry me, but to give you a bit of an insight about what life is like for a person who has OCD. Not once on my holiday did I feel the need to have a shower every hour and wash my hands 300 times a day. I didn't (and don't) refuse to eat out just in case I get sick. I CAN use public toilets and put the fact that 70,000 bums have sat on the very seat. I have OCD but I am NOT obsessed with cleanliness. This doesn't mean I don't have it at all.

I'm not saying that OCD regarding cleanliness isn't a thing. It 100% is and it's very serious. I've saw on television programmes people have swallowed bleach before through the fear of their insides being contaminated. However, what I am saying is that not everybody who has OCD is is obsessive over being clean. So, next time you feel the need to tell someone you're 'OCD' just bare in mind that OCD (along with other mental illnesses) is NOT an adjective. Think before you speak. Its a very serious thing to joke about. And, of course, if somebody does tell you they have OCD always ensure they're aware that you're there should they need you to be. A smile and a listening ear can do somebody the world of good.

Bye for now.

xxx

Mental health - educating the future.

Mental health - educating the future. 

I've always said that if I hadn't of been a teacher, I'd of been a mental health nurse. Growing up, I was always aware of mental health and what it was. I was always aware of the variety and the severity of certain disorders. This was because my Mum was a mental health nurse and she kept me in the know. I understood that not everybody had the same brain which worked in the same way. I knew that sometimes people did things that were out of their control all because of the way their brain worked. It got to the point where I didn't even realise people were all that different. But, unfortunately this is not the way everyone is brought up. 

I've met people who are convinced that mental health disorders don't even exist. Honestly. I've met people whose mindsets are so fixed they genuinely believe that if you have OCD you need everything to be clean to be able to function (that's an entirely different blog post altogether). 

The education surrounding mental health absolutely disgusts me because it's non existent. Not once in the curriculum does it mention children being educated about mental health, not once. But children are expected to know when to use a fronted adverbial. This is partly why the stigma is created in the first place. If we want a positive outlook on mental health then we need to start with educating the future generation, because they are the ones growing up into the world and they are the ones who will 1. Have a friend with a mental health issue or 2. Suffer with it themselves. 1 in 3 of us, at some point in our lives will suffer with a mental health condition. Why aren't we educating children about this? 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we have to scare our children and threaten them with depression. What we need to do is make them aware it exists and make them aware of how to cope should they feel that way. When I started to suffer with my anxiety and OCD, because I was aware of what they were in the first place, I was able to talk to my Mum who then gave me coping mechanisms. If I hadn't of had the support from my Mum God only knows where I'd be now. And I'm not even being dramatic (for once). 

So, let's be a bit more positive and a little less judgemental about the well being of others. Let's ask people how they're feeling. Let's make other people know we are aware they exist and more importantly that we CARE. And let's talk to our children about mental health like we'd talk to them about chicken pox. You never know, you might save a life. 

Thank you x 

Teaching. In a (very tiny) nut shell.

Teaching is something that I have always wanted to do, ever since I was very little. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be a hairdresser, a doctor, an actress and a mental health nurse too, but I always knew it was teaching that I wanted to do. Growing up, I loved school. Even though while I was there I probably complained about how much I hated it and couldn't wait to get out, I loved it really. I love learning. I love the feeling that you get when you 'get' something and it all just clicks in your head. I love seeing your hard work pay off and that feeling of reward inside the pit of your stomach. I just love to learn and I wanted to pass that love of learning onto the future generation. The three years I've been training has made me love it even more, my passion and determination has grew stronger and stronger, but so had my stress.

You see, the thing is, people who have not been in the teaching profession just have absolutely no idea of how absolutely stressful it actually is. Let me give you my daily schedule, just to give you an idea....

6:00am: I wake up after (definitely) not enough sleep. I probably spent the night previous doing my marking, assessment, planning and trying to find time for myself in-between. Don't forget the revision as well because I'll be teaching fractions tomorrow and I still confuse the denominator and the numerator. But, we'll get back to that later on. 

7:15am: I set off on my travels to catch my two buses to placement. While on my travels i'm probably doing planning for tomorrow. 

8:10/15am: I arrive at placement and sign in, go straight to the planning room to print off all of my plans and lesson prompts for today. While I'm doing this I'm also thinking off all the things that I've got to do tomorrow as well, because thats the thing with teaching, you have to be organised. 

8:40am: I put a morning task on the board for the children to complete. 

9:00-10:30am: The children come into class. I'm met with a few parents at the door who want to share any problems their child has had over the weekend, which I am more than happy to do, especially when they're going to be in my care for 7 hours, I want them to be happy. However, while I'm talking to these parents I've got to keep one eye on the classroom to ensure that the children are behaving in a way that is sensible - you'd think this was easy with my bog eye, but unfortunately, its not. Then, I have to register them all, mark the registration task, explain it thoroughly so that they all understand it properly in order to address the following lesson, go to assembly, and then after that, start the English or Maths lesson ensuring that the children get a worthwhile input (which is differentiated in a number of ways to ensure that each individual gets an education which is friendly to them). This will then allow them to complete the task in hand confidently. Whilst I'm doing this I have to keep a mental note of those that don't complete it with this confidence (to address their confusions next lesson) and ensure behaviour is managed in a positive way (so that the learning atmosphere is worthwhile). 

10:30/11:00am: During this half an hour i've got to attempt to mark all of the books/sheets that the children have been working on during the morning, set out the classroom so that its ready for next lesson, see to a few children who find their way into the classroom because they've been arguing with their friends and they're upset, or because they've lost a glove, or their cat died last night and they're emotionally traumatised. Evaluate the lesson I have just taught, identify next steps for learning and  probably make a little tweak to tomorrows lesson plan. Oh, lets not forget I've got to find time for the toilet as well. - Notice how I've not sat down yet? 

11:00-12:15pm: After break the children come into class and hang up their coats and gloves etc. I sit them into their Maths or English place depending on what we're focusing on next, and teach the lesson I have planned. Although, thats exactly what I don't do because half the time the lesson I have planned is never the lesson I teach due to the fact that the children are not robots and just because you say that they're going to meet something doesn't actually mean they're going to do it. Yeah, Peter is a high ability student and is excellent at English but that does mean that he's going to know what an adverb is just because on paper he is "above average." So, you change the lesson plan as you teach which requires you to think on your feet, which is quiet stressful. Especially if you're like me and you like to do things the way you've planned. While the lesson is being taught you've also got to ensure that all children are comfortable. This is hard, especially if you have children in your class with additional needs such as Autism, Aspergers, OCD or ADHD - to name a few. Don't forget, while all this is going on I'm also thinking of next lesson, tomorrows lesson, why Jimmy didn't understand last lesson and what I can do to make sure that he does understand it next time, all of my assessment I have to do and the lesson which is being observed next week. Oh, and whether all my files are up to date too. 

12:15-1:15pm: Children are having lunch, that doesn't mean I am. I usually sit down for about 15 minutes to eat mine and then I mark all of the books (33 of them) from the previous lesson, this usually takes me the full lunch time, but sometimes I have to accept I can't get it all done and do it after school instead. Tweak my lesson plan for tomorrow, make sure that the classroom is in a fit state for the next lesson. Read over my next lesson to ensure that I know exactly what it is I'm going to teach. Sometimes I have to photocopy and gather equipment needed too as I didn't have enough time in the morning. You'd think an hour was more than enough time to do all this but you're wrong, because chances are there are other things that pop up which you completely forgot about and that need doing as soon as possible. - Oh don't forget, I need to go to the toilet as well because I've been holding this wee in since about half eight this morning. 

1:15-3:00pm: Children arrive in from lunchtime and I register them to make sure nobody had escaped while they've been out to play, thankfully, I've never lost one. Once this is done I usually have arguments and fights to sort out and see to. Children who are upset to speak to. About 2 incidents of missing jumpers, lunch boxes, coats, or loom bands. Then I start the foundation lesson, which is usually history or geography, or sometimes we have a core lesson depending on how the morning went. Because sometimes, you can walk into school to discover that there is a play on which will take up 2 hours of the morning so that means you can't do your English. Or its school photo day which means children will be called out of your class in groups of 5. So, it just all depends really. But I think that after dinner time is the hardest time in the school day because normally the children have had a fruit shoot in their packed lunch and its windy outside as well so they're just high as kites really. They want to tell you all about how they can't wait to get home to complete their 345th level in Minecraft and how they just absolutely can't concentrate any more because they're sick. Its actually amazing how often children catch "the bug" after dinner time. This then requires you (in between trying to teach) to try and bribe them into doing the work that they're supposed to. OH AND PAUL WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SWINGING ON YOUR CHAIR, YOU'RE GOING TO *crash* ..... fall off. Sometimes, during the afternoon we have PE - but I think, to be quite honest thats another blog post. 

3:15pm: The children go home, so do I. 

WRONG. 

3:15-5:00pm: I usually use this time to reflect on my day and evaluate my lessons. Why didn't little Charlie understand fractions today when yesterday he got it so clearly? Was it my modelling? The way I set out the task? Maybe my expectation was too high? Am I boring? Was the lesson engaging enough? Well it must of been because Sandy understood and was engaged and she never normally gets so involved, but then again Gill normally loves Maths and even she didn't get it, but saying that Rob flew through the lesson and got full marks. How can I make sure that they all benefit from the lesson tomorrow, and make sure Rob is pushed to his full potential without actually putting the child off from learning altogether and without the other children realising what I'm doing? I don't want them to think that they're not as clever, because they are. I know they are. Once this is done I like to change my lesson plans and print them off so that I have them to look at tonight before I go to sleep. You'd think that this wouldn't take two hours but you'd be surprised how time flies when you have a million and one things to do and not enough time to complete it in. 

5:00-6:00pm: I travel back home, trying to keep my eyes open on the way. 

6:00-6:30pm: I have tea. Yes, I sit down, for a little while. While I'm having tea I've got the whole day running through my mind and what it is that I've got to do tomorrow. 

6:30-9:00pm: I go to my room to finish off the planning that I didn't get done in class today because I was distracted with the fact that I completely forgot that I promised Jenny's Mum her homework would be more challenging this weekend, so I needed to gather her some. While planning I notice that the lesson I had planned for tomorrow is just not manageable due the way the lesson went today. Therefore, I have to COMPLETELY CHANGE the WHOLE lesson, which usually results in me changing my ENTIRE weekly plan - this takes longer than you would imagine. 

9:00-10:00pm: I usually start crying because I'm not even nearly finished and i haven't even had my shower yet, and my folder isn't up to date at all, I'm missing my highlighters - which I've left in school. I don't know what it is I've got to wear and I've just remembered that I have  a PE lesson to teach tomorrow which I haven't planned for because I've been so busy doing everything else that I needed to do. 

10:00pm: I usually accept that I'm in no fit state to do anything else and I need to go to bed. 

3:00am: I usually wake up remembering something that I forgot to do today which I most definitely need to remember to do tomorrow - short panic - back to sleep. 

I then wake up and do the same thing all over again, and believe it or not I do it at the weekend too (just minus the children) on top of going to work and trying to live my life, see family members and finding time for myself.

You see, teaching is not everything people think it is. It isn't easy. It isn't a walk in the park. I do not spend my day singing and dancing around the classroom caressing the innocent faces of the angels that I teach while the birds whistle to me at the window reminding me of how great I am. It is sleepless nights, worry that your children aren't getting the best of you, constant marking, planning, assessment, paper work. It is taking the classroom home with you and carrying on your work at home. It is crying into your fish and chips because you're sat down and you should be upstairs doing the million and one things that need to be done. It is gathering evidence so that your tutors, or mentors, or the dreaded OFSTED can see that you're doing the job you should do. It is plastering a smile on your face when really all you want to do is sit in bed and cry all day because you can't remember the last time you didn't feel emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. It is trying to fit all of the special people in your life in 2 days on top of all the other things you have to do for school. It is going out during the weekend and standing at a gig thinking of the division lesson you should be planning.

 Teaching is not the job that people think it is. It is so much more. And it is more on top of that.

But, would I do anything else? No. If I can go into that classroom and inspire just one child to learn, to love, to laugh, when they have a million other things going on at home that makes them want to do anything but, then I've won. Despite the stress, I wouldn't do anything else, and that is what makes it so special to me.

New year, new blog?

2016 is going to be the biggest year of my life thus far. Whether I like it or not my life is in for a massive change. This is the year I grow up. Yep, thats right, no longer am I the 3 year old child with the obsession for a slightly older, ginger child off Barney with ridiculously large glasses named Shaun, who by the way, is DEFINITELY my boyfriend and who can DEFINITELY feel my kisses through the television screen (and he enjoys them). Nor am I a 6 year old girl who is DEFINITELY a member of the Spice Girls. wHo is DEFINITELY being PERSONALLY serenaded by Ben from A1. No, he is NOT singing to all the other million and one girls and their dogs, he is DEFINITELY singing to JUST ME (in case you're wondering, me and Shaun didn't work out - thats another blog post). Nope, I'm not that girl anymore. And no, I'm also not the 15 year old emo (it was never emo anyway it was UNIQUE!!!!) with a face full of acne, a sweaty full fringe listening to Fall Out Boy from an iPod that resembles a brick in the middle of town. I am now, 21 (acne free!!!) and supposedly a "grown up."Therefore, 2016 is the year it all gets REAL. Probably a lot more real then I'll be able to cope with. I am now in my 3rd year training to do what it is I have wanted to do since I exited my Mum's womb. I am training to TEACH. I am ACTUALLY going to be a real life teacher! - Liverpool's equivalent of Miss Honey (personality wise obviously, I probably resemble Miss Trunchball more) except I won't be bringing any children home (I hope!). I am going to be EDUCATING the future. Not only that, BUT I am learning how to drive and my driving instructor seems to be 100% positive that this year is the year I will be let lose into the big wide world ON THE ROAD, ACTUALLY DRIVING (you can't say you haven't been warned). 

So, I thought maybe it would be worthwhile keeping it all logged. Since I am absolutely pathetic at keeping a real life, hardcopy diary I thought maybe i'd just blog it and post it to the entire world instead, because that makes an awful lot of sense! (Its also a pathetic excuse to attempt to meet some teacher standards, but thats a different story.)

So, here is my blog where you'll all be able to keep up with my teacher journey (and everything else in-between). Well, thats if you want to, I can't say I'd blame you if you didn't like, I'm not the most interesting of people. 

Heres to 2016....